How to Permanently Get Rid of Bad Habits and Addictions

I bet you have at least one bad habit in your life — we all do. I’m talking about things like:

Gambling
Shopping
Smoking
Alcohol
Drugs
Junk food
Sugar
Caffeine
Social media
Video games

… the list goes on and on.

The chances are that you’ve already tried quitting one of those before and failed. Even if you were successful for a while, the negative behavior probably came back.

It’s depressing having to put in all that effort and see that it’s all been for nothing.

Yet, there are some people that succeed long-term. They stop the bad behavior and never look back. So you know it’s possible but somehow it doesn’t work for you.

Is it that you just suck at this? Are you not as good as those other people? Are you doomed to live with bad habits until the end?

No!

You can make it, just like all the people before you — and I’ll show you how to do it permanently, not just for a few weeks. All we need to do is look at what successful people do differently and model it.

Why Some People Quit Permanently and Others Only Temporarily

In my coaching practice, I’ve worked with over 1,000 people one-on-one to get rid of negative habits and they roughly fall into two groups: temporary winners and permanent winners.

Here’s what typically happens when I work with both groups:

Temporary Winners

People from the first group sign up for coaching, we put in a lot of effort and make significant progress. After a few months, we manage to break the bad habit.

However, after a while, they give up or disappear without any notice.

Some of them contact me back a year or so later and want to work on the same issue again, realizing that the addiction is back and keeps wrecking their lives.

Permanent Winners

The second group of people looks exactly the same in the beginning. They start just as enthusiastic and motivated to make a change. We work on it and after a few months, their habit is gone in a similar fashion.

But when those people stop the coaching, it’s not because they gave up. It’s because they don’t need my help anymore. They have successfully gotten rid of the bad behavior and can easily maintain their lives without it.

If I follow up with them after a year or so, they still keep going without succumbing to the old ways.

• • •

On the surface, there isn’t any difference between the two groups. It’s not that one group is fundamentally better than the other.

On average, they have the same motivation, discipline, knowledge, patience, and all other qualities required to change a habit.

So what’s the secret?

The main difference that I’ve noticed is that permanent winners use a different strategy.

The Difference Between Permanent and Temporary Breaking of Addiction

Permanent winners understand the underlying reason for the addiction.

They know that the addiction, despite all the negative consequences, still serves a useful function.

Take smoking for example. Let’s briefly ignore all the negatives and focus only on the benefits.

Smoking might:

give you an excuse to take a 5-minute break from work.
relax you when you’re stressed or overwhelmed.
help facilitate a conversation with a friend/co-worker.
help you be a part of a group that are also smokers.

Now suppose that a person has been smoking for years and is accustomed to all those benefits. It may not be healthy but it is a way to get these benefits quickly and easily. It is a helpful crutch.

If we break that addiction, we immediately lose the benefits.

We don’t get those 5-minute breaks anymore.
We don’t get to de-stress quickly and easily.
We don’t get to have quick chats with a friend.

We can quit the smoking cold turkey and stop the harm it’s doing to our body, but that leaves us without those benefits. It leaves us without our crutches.

That’s why if we focus only on breaking the addiction without working on the underlying reasons for it, we eventually fall back to our old habits or replace them with other negative ones.

Most personal improvement strategies focus on tricks and techniques to help us break the bad habit. We use discipline, willpower, apps, coaches, habit building techniques, etc. And those might work to break the habit but not to fulfill the needs that the addiction used to mask.

The needs in the smoking example might seem relatively easy to address, but in most cases of addiction, the unfulfilled needs are much deeper and more difficult to deal with.

Let’s look at other addictions that are more difficult to deal with on the needs level.

Practical Examples of the Benefits of Some Addictions

When we think of bad habits we usually think only of the negatives. Let’s change the perspective and look at some of the positives.

Caffeine

What problems does coffee mask for you? What is it a crutch for?

Lack of sleep — Do you use coffee to mask the fact that you’re chronically sleep deprived?
Social facilitation — Do you feel like you need coffee to have interesting social interactions?
Burnout at work — Do you need 10 cups of coffee per day to be able to focus at work?

While these are obvious problems, there isn’t a quick fix. To solve the problem permanently you might need to find a better job that doesn’t burn you out. Or you might need friends that are a better match. You might need to change your lifestyle and start getting 8 hours of sleep every day.

I, for example, tend to drink too much coffee when I’m doing boring or uninspired work. When I have to do something that I hate for a long time, I always drink more coffee.

And vice versa.

If the project I’m working on is enjoyable and I’m in the flow, the craving for caffeine isn’t there at all.

Social Media

What are you compensating for when you spend hours on social media every day?

Lack of social contacts — Do you have no friends that you can connect with so you have to constantly check Facebook to feel like you’re not alone?
A job that sucks — Are you so bored of your job that you need to watch a video online every 5 minutes just to stay sane?
No purpose — Do you have no purposeful work or passion to work on so you fill all the idle time with social media?

Junk Food

What positive effects do you get when you get stuffed or eat unhealthy food?

Lower Emotional Sensitivity — You feel less emotional so you don’t have to face what is really bothering you.
Entertainment — You mask the fact that you have nothing interesting to do so you eat to make it more fun.

• • •

All these addictions have similar positive effects. They all temporarily mask a core need that is not fulfilled in a healthy way. The bad habits are pain-killers that help you get through the day.

Pushing Against the Addiction Doesn’t Work Long-Term

While we’re working on the habit level, we’re never going to find a permanent solution.

All we’re doing is getting a temporary sense of accomplishment by breaking the habit for a few months. That, however, never addresses the underlying issue.

Sooner or later it will come back, or we’ll find another bad habit to mask the need. That’s why when smokers quit they start to overeat, or turn to drugs.

It’s like the myth of Sisyphus.

We struggle to push a huge rock uphill, only to get tired and eventually let it fall back to the bottom again.

So instead of pushing the addiction away directly, let’s focus on the underlying reason for why it’s there in the first place.

Let’s ignore the negatives from the addiction for a while and let it serve its temporary function. Let it be your crutches or your pain-killers. Sure, it might do some damage for a while, but struggling against it doesn’t work anyway.

• • •

I’ve had to deal with many addictions in my life like junk food, sugar, porn, masturbation, smoking, caffeine, and social media. But the biggest one by far was playing video games.

In my teens and early twenties, I’ve put in well over 10,000 hours into video games. While it had a lot of benefits and I learned many useful skills, at some point it was obvious that it was a huge time-waster.

I knew it was a habit that had to go.

With discipline, I managed to quit many times. Sometimes for a week, sometimes for a few months. But it always came back. Pushing against it directly never worked long-term.

By the time I was 25, some other changes started happening in my life. I got an interesting job that I enjoyed. I started making more friends. I got into a long-term relationship. And the more of those changes I made, the less I wanted to play video games.

I didn’t put any direct effort into quitting.

It wasn’t because I didn’t have time to play either. The desire for games just wasn’t that strong anymore. I had more interesting ways to spend my time.

Looking back, it’s easy to see what problems I was compensating for:

Lack of social contacts.
Lack of a romantic relationship.
Lack of a job that I enjoyed.
Lack of fun hobbies.

This wasn’t a linear progression either.

When one of these needs wasn’t being fulfilled for a while, the gaming came back. For example, when I broke up with my girlfriend, or I quit my job and didn’t have any meaningful work to do, I needed my gaming crutches again.

Fix The Underlying Need, Not The Habit

Dealing with the underlying problem might take a lot more effort and time than simply breaking a habit. But given that the alternative is just pushing a rock up a hill only to start from the beginning again, why not focus on the real problem instead?

To start addressing the real needs, we have to know what they are.

A great model that I learned from Tony Robbins is the “Six Core Human Needs”.

Four of those needs, which we’re going to focus on in this article, are essential. We always find ways to fill those four needs in a healthy or unhealthy manner.

Here’s the list:

Certainty — The need to feel reasonably safe and secure. To have some control and stability in our lives. To be able to predict what’s going to happen to us in the coming months. To have some degree of comfort in our lives.
Variety — The need to have some fun and excitement. To be able to break away from the routine and have adventures. To be able to change ourselves and have new experiences.
Significance — Having a sense of importance in the world. To feel like other people appreciate you for who you are. To have a sense of pride in what you do. To feel worthy of respect.
Connection/Love — The need to connect with other people on an emotional level. To have intimate and loving relationships. To get approval and affection from others. To feel worthy of love.

These core needs are universal. We all have them, regardless of our goals and purpose in life.

Let’s look at each one in detail, and see how every unfulfilled core need spawns a plethora of addictions.

1. Certainty

Do you have enough financial certainty in your life? Are you sure that you’ll be financially secure no matter what happens in the next few months?

Or are you living paycheck-to-paycheck? Are you worried that you might get kicked out of your apartment? Not have enough money for food or to pay your bills? Not be able to support your family?

If you don’t have financial certainty it will create a lot of worry and stress in your life. Feelings that you later have to numb out with negative habits like alcohol, marijuana, overeating, internet addiction, etc.

Instead of using tools to eliminate the stress and worry, why not focus on the real problem?

What do you need to start solving your financial security in a fundamental way?

Do you have to change your job for a better paid one?
Do you have to save up and have a bigger cash buffer?
Do you have to start your own business?
Do you have to learn new skills and move to a better-paid field?

Sure, all these are big steps and require time and effort. In the meantime, you can use our crutches to deal with the financial stress. But what could you do today, to start addressing the core need? What is the first step?

What about emotional certainty?

If something terrible were to happen in your life, do you have the emotional support to help you through it? Do you have friends and family to rely on in a crisis?

What about toxic relationships in your life?

Is somebody around you a constant source of stress and worry? Is somebody in your life treating you in a way that makes you feel less secure and less in control?

What could you do today to change your toxic relationships and find ones that better support you emotionally?

If you start feeling more certain in your well-being and more in control of your life, which addictions would become obsolete?

2. Variety

The irony here is that if we felt totally certain and knew exactly what’s going to happen we start getting bored. Life becomes dull and repetitive.

If we get to that point we might pick up a few unhealthy habits just to spice things up a bit. Here are a few unhealthy things that we tend to do to get more variety:

Cheating —how long can you be in an unfulfilling relationship before you start looking for somebody else on the side? If we don’t face the truth and get the courage to end the relationship (or radically change it), it’s only a matter of time before we start looking for another way to make it more interesting.Can you see how cheating, while against many people’s values, would make life more exciting? The danger of being caught and the appeal of a new partner would temporarily fulfill the variety need.
A Boring Job — How many years could you endure a dead-end, uninspiring job?After a few months of working on something we don’t like, we start to develop unhealthy habits just to keep things interesting. Are you on social media or YouTube all day long? Checking your e-mail every 5 minutes? Smoking 3 packs of cigarettes every day at work? 10 cups of coffee per day?
Lack of Social Relationships — Do you have few or no friends that you can genuinely have fun with? Do you feel like you have to get drunk or take drugs to make it fun?

Instead of these negative habits, what could you do to bring some true excitement and sense of adventure in your life? Do you need to create or find a more interesting social circle? Do you need to get a job that inspires and challenges you? Do you need to find new hobbies that you’re passionate about?

3. Significance

Are you proud of the work you’re doing? Are your co-workers, boss/employees giving you the respect that you need?

Do you feel like you’re important to the people that you’re spending time with or it wouldn’t make a difference to anyone if you became a hermit?

What would happen if you didn’t have any significance in your life?

Violence — It’s the easiest way to get people’s attention and respect. Being domineering and controlling works, at least in the short-term.
Cult/Gang — Do you feel like you have to join an unhealthy group of people, just to be a part of something bigger than yourself?
Video Games — Do you play video games all day long just so you can feel like you’re good at something?

4. Connection and Love

What happens if you don’t have any meaningful connections in your life? No real and loving friends that are there for you. No intimate partners that you can love and receive love from?

Would you numb the pain with drugs and alcohol? Would you be more manipulative and needy just to get attention?

Being a Victim — Do you feel like you have to complain and talk about your problems just so you can get sympathy from the people around you?
Crazy Cat Lady — Do you have 10 pets in your house and pretend that you’re their parent?
Social Media — Do you spend all day improving your Instagram or Facebook profile? Do you post dozens of cute pictures every day, hoping that you’ll get likes and comments?

Of course, these are just examples of the crutches that we use. There are hundreds of unhealthy ways we can use to numb the pain and temporarily fill the hole.

What are your crutches? Which need is lacking the most for you? And what are some healthy changes you can make in your life to truly fulfill your core needs?

A Formula for Permanently Beating Addictions

Obviously, we can’t go through all the possible addictions and solutions in one article. However, we can use the examples above and come up with a simple formula to apply in most situations.

Here are the steps:

Identify your addiction or unhealthy habit.
List all the benefits you’re getting from it.
Stop resisting the addiction and feel gratitude for what it’s giving you.
Identify which core need the addiction is trying to mask.
Find a healthy solution to truly fill the need and start working on it long-term.
Watch the addiction melt away as you start getting your core needs met in a healthy way.

Feeling guilty and ashamed of our addiction is not helping at all. In fact, it’s blocking us to truly fulfill the underlying need.

Instead of resisting the negative habit, accept it as a temporary pain-killer or as crutches that help you walk. Appreciate that it keeps you sane until you find a real solution.

I know — it’s difficult to replace resistance, guilt, and self-deprecation with gratitude.

But listing the secondary benefits will help you appreciate that you have a way to temporarily numb the pain. Given that finding a real solution takes a long time, it’s not only useful but necessary.

Willpower Doesn’t Work — Fix The Cause Instead

One bad habit doesn’t seem like a big deal. It’s not going to make a big difference from day to day. But think about the damage it’s doing long-term. Think about how your life will be different 10 years from now.

If you get rid of the addiction now, how much better could your health be in 10 years? How would your relationship change long-term? How would your financial life change?

If you’ve been trying to break the bad habit with willpower, it’s time to stop. That approach hasn’t been working for you in the past and won’t work in the future.

Try something different.

It’s time to take a hard look at why you’re doing it in the first place and change the underlying cause.

Now you have a simple formula for finding out the underlying cause and start working on a real solution. But just knowing about the formula is not enough. It’s all about taking action.

Take the first step today and your future self will thank you for it.

How To Make Sure Bad Habits Never Come Back

By George Halachev

There’s been a popular myth in the self-improvement field: “If you work on a habit for long enough, eventually it will become automatic and you never have to worry about again.” Another variation is “Stop a bad habit for long enough and you won’t have to deal with it again in the future.”

The assumption is that once the habit is automated it will be like that for life, without having to put any more effort in to maintain it.

I believed in that myth for years, in fact, I built my coaching business around it — help others to build better life habits.

But if you have done any work on habit building you know that assumption it’s not true. Whether it’s smoking, eating unhealthy food, drugs, alcohol — if you quit sooner or later the bad habit comes back. Maybe it’s after a traumatic event like losing a loved one, or it’s after a long trip where you change your environment for a while, but eventually, it always comes back.

So if the bad habit always comes back, why even bother working on habits at all? What’s the point?

Well, habit building has its place. If you put some effort in and purposefully stop a bad behavior for 30 or so days, it does get easier to keep going. The trouble comes if we stop there and believe the problem is solved. If we do that, we’ve missed a critical piece about why bad habits always come back: the underlying need that the habit was fulfilling.

Why Do Bad Habits Usually Come Back?

Bad habits can start for lots of reasons. Most often, it’s because of the environment around us. But after we realize it’s not a healthy behavior we can decide to quit.

And then we do.

And then it comes back. Why?

Virtually all bad habits come back for the same reason — we have an underlying need that is not filled in a healthy way. For example, we don’t have a healthy social life and we feel bored. We have an underlying need for excitement and variety that isn’t being filled in a healthy way.

As a result, we develop bad habits like eating junky food, binge watching TV shows, or browsing YouTube excessively. We develop all these bad habits to mask the boredom and temporarily fill the underlying need for excitement and variety.

The need is not something on an intellectual level, we already know the habit is harmful. The need is on the emotional level.

Most solutions for changing habits these days focus on the intellectual and habit levels, not on the need level. So if we need to fix our internet addiction, we’re told to install Freedom.to and limit our internet access only to certain hours. Or go on a healthy food retreat for a few weeks and change our eating habits. Sure, that will help us stop the bad habits for a while, but it doesn’t change the fact that the underlying need is still not fulfilled.

Sooner or later, when the pain from the unfilled need is bad enough, the negative behavior will come back, or we’ll simply replace it with another one. That’s why when smokers stop smoking they start binge eating instead.

We can abandon habits, but we can’t abandon needs.

Needs vs. Habits

Our needs are hard-wired, and unlike habits, we can’t choose to “quit”. We can’t decide that we don’t need human affection anymore and be fulfilled sitting at our computer all day. We can’t decide that we don’t want to grow anymore and we’ll be happy where we’re at. Growth is hard-wired into us.

In fact, if you look at any bad habit in your life that you can’t seem to break for good, you will always find an underlying need that needs fulfilling.

So instead of looking only at how to break a bad habit, let’s look at how to fill an underlying need in a healthy way.

Fulfill The Underlying Need

Say you want to stop binge eating fast food. What does fast food give you? Pleasure? Excitement? A way to connect with other people around you? A way to disconnect from the stress? What needs will be unsatisfied if you suddenly stopped eating fast food?

If you recognize some of those underlying needs, what are some healthy ways to fulfill them? Would it be socializing more? Changing your job for a less stressful one?

What if you want to wake up early but you can’t seem to make the habit stick? What if you always slept through half the day and ended up wasting your time on the internet until late at night?

What needs are getting filled by staying in bed for hours in the morning? Are you afraid to face the stress of the day and sleeping in is a way to deal with it? Are you lacking some personal “me time” and making up for it by staying up late on the internet?

What could you do to get more “me time” in a healthy way? How can you use the morning time productively to fulfill that need?

A practical technique when you want to quit a bad habit is to find a healthy substitute habit. Something better to do which will fill the emptiness left from quitting the bad behavior. If we don’t come up with a substitute habit deliberately, we will do it unconsciously. That hole will get filled no matter what, it’s up to you whether you want to do it consciously or not.

Basic Human Needs

Sometimes it’s helpful to start with looking at the unfulfilled needs first instead of our bad habits. The bad habits are just the superficial level. They’re the mechanisms that we use to fulfill our needs. But if you look at the needs first you go one level higher. You will be able to see the bigger picture, instead of looking at the small details.

There’s a great model that I’ve learned from Tony Robins that has helped me a lot to look at the bigger picture—the 6 fundamental human needs:

Certainty — The need to be reasonably safe, secure and stable. If you’re not sure you’ll be able to survive in the next few days or weeks, you won’t care about healthy long-term habits.
Variety — The need for change, excitement, novelty. If we get stuck in the same old pattern for too long, this need will remain unfulfilled.
Significance — The need for achievement and importance. We want to feel like we matter to other people.
Connection & Love — The need for human affection and friendship.
Growth — The need to become better, faster, stronger, more intelligent.
Spirituality — The need to feel like our life has purpose and meaning.

You can learn more about these needs in Tony’s brilliant TED talk.

If any of these fundamental needs are not met in a healthy way, you will inevitably develop some bad habits that overcompensate for it.

The Rat Park Experiment

The famous rat park experiment is a great example of how bad habits and addiction are influenced by our underlying needs.

The experiment was created by Bruce Alexander and tried to prove that simply using drugs didn’t make you addicted. The addiction was greatly influenced by other environmental factors.

He split the rats into two groups. In the first group, the rats were completely isolated in empty cages, no contact with other rats and nothing else to do. For the second group, Alexander built a beautiful “rat park” with plenty of food, toys to play with, and other rats to have sex with. Essentially a rat heaven.

Both groups had two dispensers to drink from — one with pure water and one with heroin water.

The isolated rats in the first group that had nothing else to do quickly got addicted to the heroin and consumed 20 times more of it than the group in the rat park.

The rat park group preferred the pure water. They already had their basic needs met. They didn’t need to compensate with drugs.

The most interesting results came when Alexander started moving some of the isolated rats in the rat park. Even though they were taking heroin for a long time, the isolated rats started preferring the pure water too. After some withdrawal symptoms, they stopped the bad habit automatically.

Much like our friends the rats we get influenced a lot by our environment. We behave similarly when our needs aren’t met and we look for unhealthy ways to meet them.

Unlike the rats however, we are in control of our environment. We can choose to live in the isolated cages and stay with our addiction, or we can choose to build a “rat park” around us.

If you have a bad habit that you’re struggling to quit, try doing it a different way. Instead of getting the newest app or habit breaking technique, try changing your environment. You will find that fulfilling the underlying need in a healthy way will often take care of the bad habit automatically.

How to Get Over The Habit Hump

By George Halachev

Do you often run out of motivation when trying to build new habits like meditation, exercise, or quitting sugar? Maybe you do alright for a week or two but then it gets harder and harder and you begin to cheat more often until eventually, you quit completely.

For some habits though, you’ve probably had the opposite experience – sure it was hard in the beginning but eventually, you got the hang of it and maintaining it wasn’t that hard.

So what’s the difference in both cases? Why is it sometimes so difficult to get over that “hump” to where the habit becomes easier and eventually automatic?

The Hump

What’s the hump? It’s the point where working on the habit turns from a struggle to a more pleasant activity. Usually, that moment comes when we start seeing positive results from the habit.

When we first start, it usually feels easy for a couple of days. We have just set the new goal and we’re feeling motivated. We can see the better future and how we’re going to achieve it.

But after a few days, it starts to get a little harder. The amount of effort we have to put in increases significantly.

Practically that might mean that we don’t feel like going to the gym, we’re not in the mood for meditation, or we start to get cravings for junky foods. The more time we keep working on it the harder it becomes and the less motivation we have to continue. This is “the hump” that we have to overcome with each new habit that we’re building.

Overcoming that initial resistance feels like trying to climb a very steep mountain. We keep climbing but we can’t see the peak yet. We’re on the side of the mountain so we don’t have a good view of our progress. We keep grinding but it doesn’t feel like we’re moving at all.

That’s one of the hardest periods to overcome. That’s where most people give up – before they even see any results.

Getting to the Results

What happens if we don’t give up though? What if we keep pushing through the resistance and keep climbing the mountain?

We eventually get to see a positive result from our effort. For example, you glance in the mirror and you notice for the first time that you have more muscle definition. You put on a pair of pants and you feel that they’re looser than before. You are in the middle of an argument but instead of blowing up and getting mad, you stop your default reaction and mindfully resolve the conflict.

That first moment of seeing the results of our labor is critical. It’s like climbing a mountain for weeks and suddenly catching a glimpse of the peak. This is usually the moment where we feel a huge rush of motivation and we want to keep going. This is the moment when the resistance starts to drop, instead of continuing to build up.

Motivation

Another way of looking at “the hump” is through our motivation levels.

When we first start, naturally we’re pumped and the motivation is very high. But the longer we keep going without seeing any positive results, the more the motivation starts to wane.

Most of the time we don’t have enough natural motivation to get to the point where we see results. Then we quit and feel disappointed in ourselves.

In a few months, we get some initial motivation to try again, but that runs out pretty quickly too and it turns into the same pattern.

I was in a similar cycle for a lot of years trying to build some muscle mass (I’m naturally a skinny guy). I always started with a lot of motivation, going to the gym every day and trying to improve my diet. I did really well for a month or so but that wasn’t enough time to see any results and eventually lost the motivation and stopped going to the gym.

Then a year or so later I would get the same impulse to go and improve my body again, and the cycle would repeat.

Only last year, when I decided to really push myself and find accountability to help me on the way, did I manage to get to the “results point”. I still remember the first time I saw a noticeable improvement in the mirror. And that moment from seeing the result and feeling like I’m in control is still keeping me going today.

Here’s the important part: it’s not about knowing it intellectually, it’s about FEELING it experientially.

Everybody knows that if you lift weights, eventually your muscles will grow and you will get stronger. If you have a good diet you will lose fat. If you practice meditation you will be more mindful. But knowing it intellectually does nothing for your motivation. The motivation comes only when you see and feel the manifested result.

Feeling in Control

The moment where we see actual results is also the moment when we realize that what we’re doing is actually working.

When we start doing a new habit like a new diet, new type of meditation, or exercise we believe that is going to get us to the goal we want. But there is no way to know for sure if that path is going to take us to our goal.

Maybe we follow a diet a 100% and it does nothing for us. Maybe the type of meditation just ends up being a waste of time. Maybe we follow the wrong exercise plan and we end up injured.

Until we see a real positive result in our life that uncertainty is always going to be there, and it’s going to increase. The constant doubt keeps coming in the form of questions like, “Why am I doing this in the first place? Am I doing it right? Is this the right strategy? What if there was an easier way?”

All of that changes when we feel and see the positive results. At that point instead of taking shots in the dark, we know that the strategy we’re using is bringing us measurable results. We know it’s working. And we know if we keep doing it, it’s going to keep working. That’s when we start feeling in control of our goals.

The feeling of control is what keeps us motivated to continue. Can you FEEL the difference between walking on a path that you KNOW is going to take you to your goal, versus one that might take you there?

Getting Over the Hump

So what can we do to boost our motivation so it lasts long enough until we start feeling the positive results? How can we keep going through the resistance for long enough to get over the hump and start feeling in control?

Get a Mentor

One of the most important things is to get a realistic view of how long it usually takes to get to the “results point”. In most cases, we vastly underestimate what it takes. We don’t see all the potential challenges along the way and we assume that the path will be smooth.

Getting a mentor who has already experienced some of the results is a great way to start. That’s much easier than it sounds. Say you’re trying to build more muscle – you don’t have to talk to Mr. Olympia to get some feedback. Just talk to a guy who looks a bit more ripped than you do. Even if he’s a terrible teacher, he will have a better idea of how long it will take you and what the path looks like because he’s already been there.

Don’t limit yourself to just one mentor – the more feedback you get from different sources the more accurate your “map” will be.

Notice the Secondary Positive Results

Often we focus only on the big outcome that we want, like lose 30 pounds, and that becomes our only measure. So we exercise every day and eat a healthy diet for a few weeks but the scale isn’t budging and we feel terrible about it.

But what about all the other small results that come from improving the diet? Even if you didn’t lose any weight, did you notice anything else improving?

Maybe your energy levels increased. Maybe your skin looks more clear. Maybe you don’t feel sleepy in the afternoon anymore. All of these are smaller results that can help us stay motivated and keep up the good habit until we start seeing the “main results.”

Feeling even a little bit of motivation from each secondary result will help to go through the resistance longer. Maybe even long enough to get to the big result that you want.

Keep adjusting your strategy

As we said, most things that we try won’t work. We always start by trying a bunch of strategies and action steps, but we have no guarantee that they’ll produce the desired results.

If you’ve picked the wrong strategy, no matter for how long you keep extending the motivation and look for the “results point”, it’s not going to happen.

That’s why we have to constantly adjust and tweak our strategy to get to the goal. If something doesn’t work, try approaching it from a different angle.

In my muscle gaining example, I was missing a critical piece – getting enough calories. In order for your muscles to grow, you need to supply them with enough raw materials. So as long as I was missing that piece I was never going to reach the “results point”.

Only after experimenting a lot with different diets and eating schedules I started seeing positive results.

No matter what the goal or habit you’re working on is, you can be sure that there is a path to get you there. Just like climbing any mountain, you can be sure that there is a way to get to the top.

We just have to keep looking for the right path and keep working through the resistance until we catch a glimpse of the peak.

Building Habits: Why Some People Succeed and Others Fail

By George Halachev

As a coach, I’m fascinated by why some people can easily build new habits while others fail miserably.

I’m sure it’s something you’ve noticed in your own life too. You probably have a friend who is very successful. He always accomplishes what he sets out to do. Just listening to him talk about his goals, you think, “Yeah, he gets it! He will really make this goal a reality.”

For the sake of this article, let’s call that friend Mike. Mike the successful.

You probably have another friend who is the exact opposite. He rarely accomplishes what he says he’s going to do. Hearing him talk about his goals you think, “It’s just wishful thinking. He’ll never make it.”

Let’s call him Jim. Jim the failure.

I’ve coached many Mikes and Jims and at first, they’re seemingly the same. They both show up with enthusiasm and motivation. But after a few weeks, the difference is obvious. Mike knows and uses the fundamental success principles and Jim doesn’t. Exploring these fundamental principles will help us build habits and reach our goals more effectively.

To do that, let’s say that Mike and Jim have the same starting point and the same goal. The principles work for all goals and habits, but for the sake of this example, we’ll use a specific goal. They both start at the same weight and want to lose 30 pounds of fat. Neither of them has any experience with healthy eating or exercise. Let’s see what each of them would do differently to work on their goal.

Realistic Goals and Expectations

Mike knows how to set realistic goals and expectations. Before he commits to a specific target, he researches the topic thoroughly. He reads a few books and talks to his friends who have done it before. He takes the time to learn what a reasonable fat loss target is and how long it’s going to take to achieve it.

Jim doesn’t want to do any research or planning. He wants to start immediately and not waste any time. “Lose 30 pounds in 3 weeks” sounds like a reasonable goal to him since that’s what all the ads are saying lately. He commits to the goal without thinking if it’s realistically achievable or not.

Devote Time for The New Goal

Mike knows that to achieve any goal he has to devote extra time every day to work on it. His time is already booked a 100%, and he knows he can’t fit anything else unless he gives up something else. If Mike can’t devote that time every day, he knows there’s no point to even start.

Jim is also booked 100% of the time, but he thinks he can fit in the exercise and change his diet in between things. He is confident that it’s not going to be a big deal and things will just work out.

Tracking Progress and Milestones

Mike knows that to make progress on a goal he needs to have a way to measure it. He knows measuring just his weight is not good enough since the muscle mass will also change. He measures his body fat percentage to keep track of his progress accurately.

Based on his goal and the time frame that he sets, Mike figures out weekly and monthly milestones. By tracking his weekly and monthly progress he can easily see if he’s on track to achieving his goal or not. If Mike is not consistently hitting his milestones, he knows that his strategy isn’t working and he has to change something.

Jim doesn’t bother recording any measurements or progress. He also wants to lose 30 pounds but has no idea how much progress he should be making every week. His only measure is the mirror and the subjective opinion of the people around him. Hearing somebody ask, “Have you lost some weight?” feels so good! He wants to be surprised by jumping on the scales one day and finding out that he’s at his perfect weight.

Gradual Progress vs. Cold Turkey

Mike has never worked on this goal and he knows the start will be slow. He needs to learn many new things about how to achieve it. Before he jumps in, he makes sure what he’s doing is safe and effective.

He starts to gradually remove the unhealthy foods from his diet and replaces them with healthy ones. At the gym, Mike is careful to not push himself too far. He takes his time to learn how to properly do the exercises and gradually increases the challenge.

Jim hasn’t worked on this goal either, but he doesn’t want to waste time. He’s heard that the paleo diet is pretty good for losing weight, so he goes a 100% paleo right away.

He goes to the gym and loads the bench press with the maximum he can lift. He doesn’t waste time with warming up or learning the correct exercises.

Quick Fix vs. Long Term Strategy

Mike knows that there are no lasting “quick fixes” in life. When he creates the strategy to achieve his goal he makes sure that it’s viable long term. He doesn’t just go on the latest diet, he picks a meal plan that he can follow for life.

Jim just wants to get ripped quickly and go on with his life. He’s interested in quick gains and quick burns. He is taking steroids and weight loss pills to accelerate his progress. He is also saving up some money for liposuction, just in case.

Mentorship

Mike knows that getting help from experts will speed up his progress. He will learn how to avoid a lot of mistakes along the way. He invests some time looking for a good coach who can show him the basics. He does a few coaching sessions to learn which exercises are most effective and how to do them safely.

Mike also hires a dietitian who helps him learn the fundamentals of healthy eating and weight loss. They spend a few hours designing a new diet plan that fits Mike’s lifestyle needs.

Jim doesn’t need anybody to tell him what to do. He’s already read hundreds of fitness magazines and has figured out a workout strategy that works for him. He exercises on whatever machines he can find at the local gym. He doesn’t have a set routine and does the exercises that he feels like that day.

For Jim hiring a dietitian is a waste of money. Plus, nobody knows his own body better than him. Based on a few articles he’s read online he comes up with his own diet plan.

Accountability

Besides having a mentor, Mike knows that having social support is a crucial part of achieving any goal. He knows that the people around him will be a key factor in determining his success. So he is actively looking for friends that will encourage him. He doesn’t share his goal with people who are negative and could hold him back.

Mike also knows the value of accountability partners. He has a pact with a dependable friend to be in the gym together 4 times a week. He knows that he is much more likely to exercise if he is held accountable.

Jim is thrilled to tell everybody about his new goal and broadcasts it to everyone, regardless of whether they will encourage him or not. He doesn’t change anything in his social circle and doesn’t look for people who are into exercise or healthy foods. He relies only on his strong initial motivation and doesn’t need anybody to hold him accountable with exercise.

Do It for The Right Reasons

Mike knows that if he loses that extra fat he will be healthier, happier, and an inspiration for others. Because Mike is doing this for the right reasons he has the motivation to persist when the going gets hard.

Mike knows that he doesn’t need to brag and flaunt his success. He quietly works on his goals and knows that the rewards and respect from others will come because of hard work, not showing off.

Jim wants to get ripped and look better in front of his buddies. He is all about showing off his success. He often checks in from the gym with a photo of how much he is benching. His main motivation is to get approval and popularity. Since his goal is entirely selfish and shallow, when the going gets hard Jim doesn’t have the internal motivation to keep going.

Fast Forward a Few Months

Mike has already made solid progress. He weighs 10 pounds less and has even built some extra muscle mass.

The exercise plan that his coach helped him create feels great. He has increased the challenge and intensity of the workouts and he can feel that his body is getting stronger and more flexible.

It was difficult to get used to his new diet, but now he feels satisfied after each meal. He still gets some cravings for junk food occasionally, but because his body is getting all the nutrients it needs it’s easy to stay on track.

Mike indulges with a cheat meal every week or so without feeling guilty about it. He knows that he’s got a great diet and one meal with less healthy foods is not going to affect him.

Mike had a rough time emotionally for a few weeks. He was feeling depressed and working out was the last thing he wanted to do. However, his accountability buddy was there to cheer him up and motivate him to do the exercise anyway. He didn’t miss a single workout despite the emotional turmoil.

He also has a sister and two colleagues that have been obese for a long time. They are all inspired by Mike’s great results and have also started working on getting a healthier lifestyle. They’re all supporting and encouraging each other.

Jim has had a few very rough months. The diet plan he created was working well for the first week or so, but soon he started getting very strong cravings, a clear sign that he’s missing essential nutrients. After a few days, his diet streak ended in McDonald’s, but he still swears it’s the best meal he’s ever had.

The exercise was also going well for a while until he had a bad accident and hurt his back. That kept him out of the gym for a few weeks and erased the progress he had made. Even though his back healed, Jim was bummed out about the whole thing and didn’t go to the gym for a few more weeks. There was nobody to encourage him and help him get back on track faster.

Jim also got a rash all over his body from the steroids. The doctor prescribed, even more, drugs to balance out his body.

He’s still debating whether a healthy lifestyle is for him. After all, nobody from his family is fit and healthy, maybe it’s just his genes?

Conclusion

All the examples above are about fat loss, however, the principles apply to all goals we want to achieve. The process is the same whether we want to lose fat, build a business, learn to play the guitar, or improve our relationship. To be successful in any goal we need to make sure we’re following the fundamental principles.

So if you have a goal and it’s not quite working out so far, see if you’re following the fundamental principles of success. Check if your strategy and actions are more like Jim’s or more like Mike’s.

No Jims or Mikes were harmed in the making of this article. And I sincerely apologize to all the Jims reading this. I’ve coached many successful Jims and I love you just as much as the Mikes! <3

The Power of Doing the Same Thing Every Day

By George Halachev

Imagine. You wake up every day at exactly the same time. You eat the same breakfast, do the same workout exercises, take the same route to work. Have lunch at the same place every day. Use the same apps every day. You practice the same skills.

Sounds boring, doesn’t it?

I thought so too until I discovered how many advantages there are to consistency and a well-planned routine.

The Advantages of Routinizing Your Life

If I maintain the same morning routine, I never feel groggy when I wake up. I never forget my wallet or my phone. I never forget my car keys or where I parked my car.

If I maintain my food routine, I never have headaches or stomach aches. I never feel hungry or drained. I never have a meal that I don’t like.

If I maintain my same exercise routine, I never get injured or have sore muscles. I never lack the energy to exercise. I never have to wait my turn for a machine at the gym.

When you look at the list above it looks very unrealistic, almost like fiction. But that’s really how it works. If you figure out what keeps you at peak performance and you never deviate, you will never have to deal with those problems again.

Eat the Same Food Every Day

I started experimenting with food when I was first trying to get in shape. So after doing some research, I figured out what my body needs and wrote down a few example meals to have for breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks.

Naturally, it wasn’t perfect at first. Sometimes I felt hungry or I didn’t like the meal. But after a month or so of tweaking, I was to the point where I was really happy. I loved all my meals, they gave me the energy I needed and kept my body in shape.

My 3 meals + snacks were quite diverse and included all the necessary nutrients that I needed, so I didn’t have to diversify from day to day.

After doing that for a month or so, I started noticing the advantages really quickly.

Results Are Predictable and Controllable

Predictability sounds boring, but when it comes to goals, it’s really useful.

When we’re setting goals, we try to predict the action steps that will get us there. But that’s just a guesstimate. If you’ve never worked on that goal before, there’s no way to know with certainty if it’s going to get you the result that you want.

However, if you do the same thing for a few weeks, you start to notice the trends really quickly.

For example, if you eat the same meals every day for a month and lose 2-3 pounds, you can safely predict that you’ll lose 2-3 more pounds next month with the same routine.

This is much more reliable than setting a random goal and trying to reach it by constantly modifying your diet. Instead of guessing the results, this method relies on previous performance to predict the outcome.

You Don’t Need Willpower

Since you’re doing the same thing every day, it becomes a habit pretty quickly. After that, you don’t really need much effort or discipline to maintain the same routine.

You don’t have to make the decision to stay away from sugar every day. You skip the temptation altogether.

After doing that for long enough, you even stop looking at other foods as available options. Your mind learns that you eat only certain type of foods. You don’t even get the impulse to eat the chocolate when you see it lying around somewhere.

Optimization and Saving Time

If you do the same routine every day, it becomes really easy to notice where the inconsistencies and time wasters are. You can save yourself huge amounts of time and effort that way.

For example, I was following the slow carb diet and ate a cup of lentils every day. Which takes about 30 minutes to prepare, cook and clean up. So instead I cooked a huge pot of lentils in the weekend and had it ready for every day. Boom, 30 minutes saved every day.

Another big optimization is the shopping. Since you need the same ingredients for foods you can buy in bulk and figure out where the easiest and cheapest place to buy foods is.

Since I know exactly what I need I only have to go to the supermarket twice a week. And I never have to throw away food because I know exactly how much I need.

Same Wake-Up and Bedtime

This one is even better since our bodies work better with a consistent sleep schedule. The more consistent you are the better your sleep will be. You’ll also wake up refreshed and ready to go instead of feeling groggy.

No More Sleepless Nights

When you do the same bedtime routine you take all the randomness out of it. You’ll be able to figure out all the things that disturb your sleep. You’ll figure out what it takes to have a calm and restful night.

Every Day Will Be Productive

You know those days when you wake up and before you know it it’s 1 pm and you’ve done nothing significant? All of those are gone too.

If you do the same morning routine over and over again, it’s like you’re building a highway for your mind and body. You don’t have to carve a new path through the woods every morning.

You no longer procrastinate on the internet because you’re used to starting with your most important task first. You don’t have to use willpower since it’s already a habit.

But I Love Variety

Variety is an important part of life, and I don’t want to discredit it. But when it comes to achieving your goals, I think it’s overrated. You can make progress much faster if you are following a consistent routine.

We’re already creatures of habit. We’re already doing mostly the same things every day.

For example, try to think of the regular meals that you’ve had in the past 2 months. I’m not talking about when you go to a restaurant and order something fancy, just the meals that you typically have every day.

I bet that most people can’t name more than 10 meals.

So since we’re already doing the same things every day, why not design that routine consciously? Why not pick the 3-4 of the best meals and have them every day?

Of course, life is very unpredictable. Shit happens. You won’t be able to make it every day perfectly, but that’s OK. That’s why we have…

Exceptions

Having a few exceptions here and there is not a problem, quite the opposite in fact. The occasional variety will feel even more exciting and enjoyable.

It will feel like a celebration, and you won’t have to worry getting fat because you know you’ll be back in your healthy routine tomorrow.

The more organized and in control of your life you are, the more you can afford to be spontaneous and crazy. Since your life feels so stable and secure, having one crazy day and going completely off track won’t be a problem at all.

Pitfalls That Come With Routine

If you do the same thing every day, there’s a tendency to get tunnel vision. You can optimize the routine and make it very efficient, but you can start losing context of the big stuff.

A great example for me was when I created a daily routine to collect all my coaching and website stats to see how my business was doing.

Coach.me didn’t have an easy way to show long term stats. You could only see those for each individual day.

So I started entering the data manually every day in a spreadsheet. In the beginning, it took about 5 minutes to check everything and write it down. In a month I had optimized the routine so much that it took me just 2 minutes a day.

I optimized it to a maximum, but only within that very limited box of entering the numbers manually. And I was stuck with that routine for months, thinking there is no further way to improve and optimize it.

But after a while, I figured out that I could spend a few hours working on it and automate the whole process. I did that (using iMacros) and the whole routine became obsolete. From 2 minutes a day, I got it down to 0.

So to avoid getting blindsided, it’s a good idea to review your routines every month or so. But don’t think about how to optimize it using incremental changes. Think out of the box. Instead of getting 10-15% better, how can you make it 150-300% better?

But I’m Not a Mindless Robot!

I understand that’s how it might feel at first. After all, if you routinize your life and do the same thing every day, what’s the point of living?

But that’s not the point at all. You don’t routinize your whole life. Only the boring stuff. Only the chores and mindless responsibilities.

That way, you can get through those much faster and do whatever the hell you want for the rest of your day, knowing your life will still be stable.

How to Quickly Master the Power Nap

By George Halachev

What Is a Power Nap?

Power napping is just sleep, right? So what’s the big deal?

Sleep is a big deal for productivity. It gives us a huge boost of energy, willpower and focus. The problem is that we get only one of those boosts every day – in the morning. Why would you limit yourself like that? With napping, you can get that boost multiple times every day.

However, sleeping haphazardly during the day might leave you waking up groggy and feeling worse than before.

That’s where the power nap comes in. If you only fall asleep for 10-20 minutes, you won’t enter a deep sleep cycle, which is what actually makes you groggy.

And even for 10-20 minutes sleep you can still get that great boost multiple times a day.

How do you do a great power nap?

The power nap has been one of the best tools in my productivity toolbox. And over the years I’ve picked up a few tricks that make it more effective.

Get Earplugs

If you do the napping during the day, chances are there will be noise. Unless you’re in a Zen monastery, of course, in which case you can stop reading now since you’re as productive as it gets.

But for the rest of us mortals, it might be a little difficult to find a quiet spot during the day. That’s why you should get yourself a pair of plugs and get that Zen-like quiet everywhere you go.

The quality of plugs makes a big difference so choose wisely. The best ones I’ve used so far have been silicone ones from OTOTAP.

Get a Sleeping Mask

Much like the noise, if you sleep during the day you’ll probably be in the light. And if you tried napping before, you know that it’s not nice to get sunlight in your eyes.

Using a mask also has a psychological effect on you and makes you feel more safe and isolated from the world. Therefore, it’s easier to relax and fall asleep.

Again, the quality of the mask makes a big difference. Look for masks that:

block out light a 100%
are comfortable to wear (i.e. don’t slice through your eyeballs)
have a firm hold, so they don’t slide off your head when you turn around

Get a Timer

Don’t rely on your body to wake you up at the right time. It ain’t gonna happen in the beginning.

I got a Samsung Gear S2, and it’s the best timer ever. You can take it anywhere with you, and it takes literally 4 seconds to set a timer.

When the time is up, it vibrates gently without sound so it can wake you up discretely even when you’re in a public place.

Experiment with the nap duration too.

Some people tend to fall asleep pretty quickly, and others need more time. The average duration that works is 10-20 minutes, but don’t accept the average blindly. Experiment with shorter and longer durations and see what works best for you.

Typical Challenges While Napping

I Don’t Have Time to Do It

You might feel like a nap would be a waste of time. Why not put that time napping into productive work and get more done?

Well, time not always translates to doing productive work, especially if you’re tired. The state that you’re in while working makes much more difference in the quality of work that you’re going to do.

So yes, you might “lose” 20 minutes napping, but you’ll be so much more productive after that. You’ll easily make up for that time and then some.

The more time you work, the more diminishing returns you start to get on your productive output. The nap is a great way to reset the diminishing returns.

I Don’t Have a Place to Do It

I know, it’s not easy to do it if you’re not in full control of your work environment. But so what? Are you going to give up just because it ain’t easy? If you’re really committed to getting your snooze time, nobody can stop you.

I still work in an office with many people around and it’s tough finding a good place to nap. But I don’t let that be my excuse.

I often take my lunch break off, go into the parking lot and sleep 20 minutes in my car. Also, I get some shuteye in the bathroom almost every day. Is that weird? Totally! But who cares if it works?

What about non-office work environments?

Working while sipping your coffee at Starbucks? How about picking a comfy armchair, putting on noise canceling earphones, your sunglasses and nodding off for a while?

No matter where you are, you can always figure out a good place to do it. You just need to get a little creative. And if it’s not perfect, don’t let that stop you from doing it anyway.

I Can’t Fall Asleep

In the beginning, it can be challenging to fall asleep in just a few minutes. But just like everything else you can get better at it with practice. It only took me a month of practice when I was first starting out to learn to fall asleep during the day. The more you do it, the easier it gets.

A good trick here is to sleep after you’ve had lunch. After a meal we naturally feel more drowsy, so take advantage of that.

Even if you can’t fall asleep initially and just lay there with your eyes shut, your body and mind are still going to get the benefit of it. You’ll still feel relaxed and refreshed after a few minutes of chilling out.

How Napping Saved My Sanity

Two years ago I committed to an insane amount of work. I was just starting my coaching business, and I was overzealous to get the best launch possible.

As a result, I signed up 100+ clients to coach online simultaneously. It was crazy. I had to do 20-hour work days for two weeks straight. And that was just to cover the basics and get everybody started.

I had to pull through these two weeks with less than 4 hours of sleep a day. Otherwise, the business was going to crash and burn.

In the first few days, it was fine. I worked in 90-minute periods followed by a quick 20-minute snooze. But pretty soon I started to get very burnt out. After each of those 90-minute periods, I felt like I can’t do it any longer. There was no juice left in the tank.

The only thing that kept me sane in those two weeks was the power nap. Every nap felt like a breath of fresh air after being stuck underwater all day. After every nap, I got back some optimism, some energy, and some willpower to keep going.

I don’t recommend that you get yourself in such a mess in the first place, but if someday you do, remember your friend the power nap.

And in a hard time like that, it would be much more effective if you already have some experience with napping and know what to do. Don’t wait until you get yourself in a wreck first. Start now. :)